Hi all my wonderful friends in blogger land. My most sincere apologies for my absence of late. I guess I have had a lot of things to sort out and it has been difficult to write while going through this process. Brad and I are still obviously very much on the road to recovery after the miscarriage and I particularly have been doing it a bit tough. I am currently speaking with a counsellor regularly which is doing me good and we are just taking life one step at a time. I started back at work a few weeks ago and after a week back at work I had to take more leave as I wasn't dealing very well with getting back into every day life as pathetic as that sounds. I am now back in the swing of things and back at work and it seems to all be going fine. My manager just left to go on maternity leave and we had a big lunch for her on Friday that we sort of made into a mini baby shower in the office. That was an extremely hard day but I was proud of myself for getting through it with my emotions in tact. Part of me feels selfish and stupid that it did get to me a bit as I already have a baby - my gorgeous boy - and once upon a time I did get a chance to have a baby shower. It's not like I have never got to have that experience.
Rhea is now 21 weeks pregnant and guess what??? It's a boy!!! Woo hoo I am so excited at the thought of a little nephew and of Nickie having a boy cousin to run around with. I think that's the next best thing to having a sibling and it has put my mind at ease a lot because as silly as it sounds the thought of him being lonely keeps me awake at night sometimes. My mother says that is a silly thing to worry about that because he has so many people that love him that he could never be lonely. Nevertheless that is how I feel sometimes and the impending arrival of another boy makes me feel a lot better. I am intrigued by their choice of name though as they have decided not to share the name with anyone till the birth. However Rhea tells me it is an extremely unusual name that we may not have heard before. I am DYING to know! haha
Something else interesting and puzzling to do with my sister has come to light. You remember I said she has some problems? Well because I use pseudo names I feel it is ok to elaborate on her because I am not breaching her rights to privacy by publishing either mine or her identity on the web. She has a gambling addiction and as a result has stolen from people including myself to support her habit. With this addiction has come dishonesty as is common for a lot of people with addictions because they learn to lie about their habit and how much money they are spending and to explain where they have been etc. So over the years my sister's dishonesty has also grown across most aspects of her life and my family now think her lying is compulsive. As if she does it to make her life more exciting or something, or maybe even as a comfort to herself to make her life more like the kind of life she really wants. Over the past few years she has made up many elaborate lies that she has carried on for months before we have realised. Anyway you may remember that I recently found out she was pregnant? Well because of her history we wonder every now and then whether she really is or whether this is another story. The latest on this is that she told Mum that she was unsure of her due date and was having to have an ultrasound to determine how far along she was. Now bear in mind that she told Mum she was pregnant on the day I had the embryo transfer. My due date if I had not miscarried would have been March 6 2010 so she would have been due earlier than that, being ahead of me in her pregnancy. She has now told my Mum that she has gone for the ultrasound and her due date is March 26. We don't understand how this could be possible. So I will keep you all posted on that and whether or not it turns out to be true. It makes me sad to think she may have made the whole thing up and I am hoping she doesn't use a miscarriage as the next plot event in her story if it is made up as it would hurt me after just going through a legitimate one to think someone was using it as entertainment or for attention. Brad tells me I should just not worry about what she is up to but it is hard when she affects so many people that are close to me with her actions.
Well I better sign off. I hope all of you are well and I am off to catch up on all your blogs!
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1 comment:
Wow. I hope your sister isn't making it all up. How sad.
It's completely normal to still have the baby shower bother you. It doesn't matter if you've had 1 child, 10 children or none....it's still gonna bother you. I have a friend who has 3 children, had a miscarriage and had a really hard time as she had to go to 3 showers this summer. So, it's still hard sweetie....let yourself feel that.
Hang in there! (((HUGS)))
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