Here I am on Christmas Eve morning and I am being very naughty, stopping to sneak some time on the computer to blog. Don't tell on me will you?? I have so many things to do today it's not funny. Brad, Nickie and I have already been to the shopping centre and are home again. We went very early this morning to avoid the crowds but there were still people everywhere. We had finished all of our Christmas shopping, we just wanted Nickie to visit Santa and get a photo. I don't know if you have the same thing in the States, but here Santa comes and visits the shopping centres and kids can line up and meet him and get a pic with him.
I was so looking forward to doing that with Nickie, and Brad was too so we had to wait until Brad finished up at work for the holidays and that was yesterday. So off we went today to visit the big man in red. It was a very nice experience and quite funny too. Nickie has a fascination with hair lately. He is forever grabbing large handfuls of mine and giving it a yank. Of course the first thing he did when he sat on Santa's knee was grab that beard! Santa practically had to pry his beard free only to have Nickie grab it again with the other hand. He was so interested in Santa's beard that we had a really hard time getting him to look at the camera for a photo. In the end one of the assistants left and came back with this huge cow bell. She got me to ring it (it was very loud!) and that got Nickie's attention, he turned towards the noise (which was me holding the bell standing next to the girl with the camera) and they went snap! So the picture came out with Nickie sitting on Santa's knee with this stunned confused look on his face. It is a very funny photo and I am glad we got it.
Tomorrow will be the first time we have hosted Christmas so I want it to go well and am really looking forward to it. I have decided to do the turkey in the slow cooker so I'll let you all know how that goes! I am very excited because finally my parents have made a stand against my sister's antics for the first time ever and will be spending the day with me. Their day usually consists of my sister (having changed her mind about whether or not her and the kids are coming for Christmas day lunch at my parents about 7 times in the lead up to the day) turning up in an absolutely foul mood. People will ask her what's wrong and she will say she doesn't feel well. Then an hour into the day she will say that she feels worse and needs to go lay down in one of my folks spare rooms. She will then go and read magazines and books while lying on the bed, leaving the kids to be looked after by us. Now I love my neice and nephew but they are a handful. They are always fighting, breaking things, swearing, wanting you to put together their new Christmas gift right now this instant etc.
Then we serve lunch and the kids start ordering my mum around like she is a waiter. Mum will ask them before she serves up would they like a drink with their meal. They will say no. So she will serve up and we will all sit down and Mum will pick up her fork and the kids will say "Nan we want a drink now". Stuff like that. I know it's not completely the kids fault because kids only behave how they are taught. But all the while my sister is in the bedroom reading books while everyone looks after her children. I think she only comes for a little respite! Then presents will be opened and my sister will wander out around this time to open her presents, now feeling "a lot better after that nap". I can name at least 4 Christmas Days where they have run exactly like that. It's a regular thing. I always have wondered why my parents don't stand up to it. I think it's because if they were to do something else for Christmas my sister can get very angry. She flies into rage's, turns on the tears etc and maybe they feel it's just not worth it. But this year apparently my sister did her regular phone calls undecided as to if she would come over for lunch or not. After the third phone call my dad had had enough and said to her "listen we thought we would go somewhere else for Christmas this year anyway, so if you think you might not be able to come well that's ok. We will do what we were thinking of and you can stay put for the day so you don't have to travel and the kids don't have to be uprooted with all their toys and gifts that they are wanting to play with." I am so proud of them. Apparently my sister is now going to a friend's house that lives close to her for Christmas day and my parents are coming here. I am looking so forward to making it a great day for them and waiting on them hand and foot.
Well I better go, as I sign off I realise that this is my 50th post! Thankyou for listening to me for all of that! I have made so many special friends through this blog I feel very blessed to have you all. I hope you all have a Merry Christmas. May God bless you all in 2010. I am so thankful to have my little boy with us this year. We prayed so hard for him. May all of you out there who are still awaiting your prayers to be answered, whether that prayer be for a baby or a new house or world peace or whatever your heart desires, please know I will be praying that this coming year is your time. And to all those whose prayers have been answered this year, I rejoice with you. Happy Holidays everybody and God bless!
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
20 years on...
A while back I posted about my school friends "P" and "L" who were tragically killed by their father over a custody dispute when I was a little girl. I thought I would mention this again because tomorrow will be 20 years to the day since they died. I have been thinking about them a lot the last few months and I feel there must be a reason for that, but am yet to discover what that reason could be.
About a month ago I woke at about 3am from a dream that was so very vivid I was more than a little creeped out, and I wasn't able to get back to sleep. I really feel that the kids came to me in this dream. I just have this feeling that it meant something. In the dream I was searching for their mother, "C". I wanted to tell her I still thought about her children and to check and make sure she was all right. I found her working in a store in the city under a false name and I invited her for dinner at my house. When she arrived for dinner she had two people with her - a man and a woman - and these people were the same age as me. I smiled and said pleased to meet you and they smiled back and told me we had already met. I was confused and asked "C" what these people meant by that. She said "these are my children". I was still confused. I explained to her that when "P" and "L" had died they were around my age. These grown up children looked to be around my age too and the age "P" and "L" would now be. I asked her how she could possibly have more children the same age as her first two would have been. She said to me "Paxton, this IS P and L. They never died. They never went away. They are safe and well and have never left me."
I was absolutely overjoyed and burst into tears. I hugged them ecstatically and asked them were they ok. They assured me they were very well and that they had never died and that I didn't need to worry anymore about it. They hugged their mother and I saw them all as a family together and that was when I woke up. I was really shaken by the dream and quite scared. But looking back I think it was a sign from them that they are really and truly ok because they are up in heaven with Jesus. I really hope that is what it was all about and I will cherish the fact that I did have that dream.
I do think about them and their mother all the time and I do wish I will see their mother again one day and be able to tell her that her children were special and that they really did make such an impression on me. I remember at school in the last week of their lives "L" doing a tap dance routine at the end of year show. "P" was so proud of her when she finished that he went up in front of the whole school and hugged his sister. I will never forget that. I'm sure their mother has her own memories of them too and I'm sure she realises her children were so special.
I also can't believe how fast 20 years went. It seems like only yesterday since it all happened. I really hope that in those 20 years their mother has been able to find peace. Maybe she is remarried to a lovely man with some more children. I hope so. My prayers are really with her this week wherever she is because I think this would be such a hard time. I read in the article I came across about them a few months ago that the day before they were killed their mother took them to get their picture taken with Santa, and now she has that photo on her wall. I am sure she looks at it all the time especially around this time of year and can't believe they are not here physically with her. I don't know how I could bear pain like that if I lost Nickie.
Please have these children and their mother in your prayers tomorrow.
About a month ago I woke at about 3am from a dream that was so very vivid I was more than a little creeped out, and I wasn't able to get back to sleep. I really feel that the kids came to me in this dream. I just have this feeling that it meant something. In the dream I was searching for their mother, "C". I wanted to tell her I still thought about her children and to check and make sure she was all right. I found her working in a store in the city under a false name and I invited her for dinner at my house. When she arrived for dinner she had two people with her - a man and a woman - and these people were the same age as me. I smiled and said pleased to meet you and they smiled back and told me we had already met. I was confused and asked "C" what these people meant by that. She said "these are my children". I was still confused. I explained to her that when "P" and "L" had died they were around my age. These grown up children looked to be around my age too and the age "P" and "L" would now be. I asked her how she could possibly have more children the same age as her first two would have been. She said to me "Paxton, this IS P and L. They never died. They never went away. They are safe and well and have never left me."
I was absolutely overjoyed and burst into tears. I hugged them ecstatically and asked them were they ok. They assured me they were very well and that they had never died and that I didn't need to worry anymore about it. They hugged their mother and I saw them all as a family together and that was when I woke up. I was really shaken by the dream and quite scared. But looking back I think it was a sign from them that they are really and truly ok because they are up in heaven with Jesus. I really hope that is what it was all about and I will cherish the fact that I did have that dream.
I do think about them and their mother all the time and I do wish I will see their mother again one day and be able to tell her that her children were special and that they really did make such an impression on me. I remember at school in the last week of their lives "L" doing a tap dance routine at the end of year show. "P" was so proud of her when she finished that he went up in front of the whole school and hugged his sister. I will never forget that. I'm sure their mother has her own memories of them too and I'm sure she realises her children were so special.
I also can't believe how fast 20 years went. It seems like only yesterday since it all happened. I really hope that in those 20 years their mother has been able to find peace. Maybe she is remarried to a lovely man with some more children. I hope so. My prayers are really with her this week wherever she is because I think this would be such a hard time. I read in the article I came across about them a few months ago that the day before they were killed their mother took them to get their picture taken with Santa, and now she has that photo on her wall. I am sure she looks at it all the time especially around this time of year and can't believe they are not here physically with her. I don't know how I could bear pain like that if I lost Nickie.
Please have these children and their mother in your prayers tomorrow.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
I'm an Aunty!!!
Yes, guys my nephew has arrived! Rhea was due on Dec 11 and bubs ended up making an entrance this morning. A little late but not far behind schedule at all. We went for a flying visit this afternoon to see him (and of course to see Rhea and Paul) and he was just gorgeous. I didn't want to bombard Rhea with visitors right away so I asked her would she like us to come on Tuesday when she rang this morning to tell us the good news. I thought maybe she would like today to rest as she is quite a conservative and private person. Also Monday was out because it's a work day for me. Rhea surprised me by saying she would love to see us today for a quick visit as she was excited to share her boy's arrival with us. So off to the hospital we went!
Rhea was in good spirits but she was quite tired as was Paul. It has been a long labour. We had no idea as Rhea warned us she was kind of shy about having us all know when she was in labour and therefore she would not be telling us when that happened. She just wanted to call us when it was all over and he was here, which is exactly what happened. Apparently contractions started at 4am yesterday and she was at home for 12 hours having mild contractions before they got painful enough for her to want to be in hospital. They got there at 4pm. She then laboured all night until bubs was born at 7.01am. She said she lasted until 1am before asking for the epidural. I think she did a great job and obviously she will sleep well tonight.
The really annoying thing though is obviously on this blog I use fake names, however I'm really excited to tell you all his real name because I really do love it. I'm really in two minds about what to do so for now I am just going to call him "J".
Yay!!! I'm an aunty everyone!! And Nickie is a big cousin!!!
Rhea was in good spirits but she was quite tired as was Paul. It has been a long labour. We had no idea as Rhea warned us she was kind of shy about having us all know when she was in labour and therefore she would not be telling us when that happened. She just wanted to call us when it was all over and he was here, which is exactly what happened. Apparently contractions started at 4am yesterday and she was at home for 12 hours having mild contractions before they got painful enough for her to want to be in hospital. They got there at 4pm. She then laboured all night until bubs was born at 7.01am. She said she lasted until 1am before asking for the epidural. I think she did a great job and obviously she will sleep well tonight.
The really annoying thing though is obviously on this blog I use fake names, however I'm really excited to tell you all his real name because I really do love it. I'm really in two minds about what to do so for now I am just going to call him "J".
Yay!!! I'm an aunty everyone!! And Nickie is a big cousin!!!
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Every now and then...
I don't like bringing up the miscarriage so this post is kind of hard. I try to focus on moving forward from it. I prefer not to spend a lot of time moping about what happened, and I believe that now a few months on from the experience, I am past that stage of constant sadness. Not that I am not sad about things now. It's just that if I sit still and think about things for too long then the sadness catches up with me, and makes it hard for me to function. To put it simply, life is easier for me if I focus on the things that I enjoy and allow myself only fleeting moments to reflect on the fact that I lost a baby. I have that little moment to feel sad, and then I make myself move on to the next event of the day. At one stage you might remember I started seeing a counsellor to talk about my feelings. I went for three sessions and stopped going. I felt after the first couple of sessions that the process of going and pouring out to someone about how sad I felt was self defeating, because it was allowing myself to fall too far back into that negative sad mindset and the longer I stayed there, the harder it was to come back up to earth. I don't know if this makes sense to anyone, or even if it is the healthy way to be dealing with what happened, but it is what has worked for me and got me over the line so far.
But there is a flaw to my approach. Every now and then something will happen which will make me think of the miscarriage and the baby that I lost, and that realisation almost comes as a complete shock. The days when that happens are very hard to get through. It doesn't even have to be something major. A few weeks ago Brad and I were sitting having coffee with friends of ours and Brad was talking about how work politics can often be unfair and was giving an example of something that had happened at his own work. He then said "and what made it worse was that it was around the time when Pax had the miscarriage so I was already not feeling the best about work, and didn't really need that stress added in too." Not only was it a shock to hear that phrase said out loud, but Brad didn't even lower his voice like people do when they are talking about something sad or unpleasant. He didn't even stumble over the word "miscarriage". That in itself made me realise that time has passed since the incident and that obviously in the eyes of others, including my husband, it is no longer something that should be fresh with raw emotion. I on the other hand felt like I had been stabbed. I found myself crying into my pillow quietly that night and wondering where all that raw emotion has suddenly sprung from.
Then yesterday it happened again. I rang a friend of mine that I hadn't spoken to in a little while, to oragnise a pre Christmas catch up. She was happy to hear from me, we chatted for a while and then she said "I'm glad to hear you are doing well, I have wanted to call a few times but have felt awkward." I really didn't understand why she would feel awkward and suddenly tried to think back to the last time we spoke. I realised that it was by text message. She had messaged me to ask how the beta results had gone from our FET. She knew I had gotten a positive test at home and so she was anticipating a very good response from me. Instead she got a message from me explaining what was happening. That yes I was pregnant but that I was soon not going to be. We spoke a few more times that week through text message but had not had a real conversation since. She then did the whole voice lowered "so how ARE you? I'm so sorry about what happened" etc and I really didn't handle it too well. I answered the questions politely and briefly. Thanked her for her thoughts, finished the conversation and said goodbye but later in the day I lost my bundle and found myself in tears again. AGAIN wondering where all this emotion was coming from when I was fine this morning.
I'm not sure what the purpose of me posting all this to everyone is, other than to get it off my chest. It is something which really baffles me to say that least. Thanks for listening all. Have a great week.
But there is a flaw to my approach. Every now and then something will happen which will make me think of the miscarriage and the baby that I lost, and that realisation almost comes as a complete shock. The days when that happens are very hard to get through. It doesn't even have to be something major. A few weeks ago Brad and I were sitting having coffee with friends of ours and Brad was talking about how work politics can often be unfair and was giving an example of something that had happened at his own work. He then said "and what made it worse was that it was around the time when Pax had the miscarriage so I was already not feeling the best about work, and didn't really need that stress added in too." Not only was it a shock to hear that phrase said out loud, but Brad didn't even lower his voice like people do when they are talking about something sad or unpleasant. He didn't even stumble over the word "miscarriage". That in itself made me realise that time has passed since the incident and that obviously in the eyes of others, including my husband, it is no longer something that should be fresh with raw emotion. I on the other hand felt like I had been stabbed. I found myself crying into my pillow quietly that night and wondering where all that raw emotion has suddenly sprung from.
Then yesterday it happened again. I rang a friend of mine that I hadn't spoken to in a little while, to oragnise a pre Christmas catch up. She was happy to hear from me, we chatted for a while and then she said "I'm glad to hear you are doing well, I have wanted to call a few times but have felt awkward." I really didn't understand why she would feel awkward and suddenly tried to think back to the last time we spoke. I realised that it was by text message. She had messaged me to ask how the beta results had gone from our FET. She knew I had gotten a positive test at home and so she was anticipating a very good response from me. Instead she got a message from me explaining what was happening. That yes I was pregnant but that I was soon not going to be. We spoke a few more times that week through text message but had not had a real conversation since. She then did the whole voice lowered "so how ARE you? I'm so sorry about what happened" etc and I really didn't handle it too well. I answered the questions politely and briefly. Thanked her for her thoughts, finished the conversation and said goodbye but later in the day I lost my bundle and found myself in tears again. AGAIN wondering where all this emotion was coming from when I was fine this morning.
I'm not sure what the purpose of me posting all this to everyone is, other than to get it off my chest. It is something which really baffles me to say that least. Thanks for listening all. Have a great week.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
He Did it!!!
Yay Brad had his final exam today for his course and passed with flying colours. He is now a qualified driving instructor. I am so so proud of him and I have been having conversations with Nickie about how hard Daddy has been working and how we need to give him big cuddles to show him we think he is amazing. Nickie just loves his DaDa it's beautiful. His face lights up when Brad comes home and he dives into his arms for a cuddle and buries his head into Brads neck. It makes my heart melt.
On Friday the 11th of December (which is also Rhea's due date and no appearance from bubba yet!) Brad has a job interview with one of the big drive schools in Melbourne. I am praying that it goes well and he gets a position with their school. He says he will go to any area they want him in, because the school is so well known and has a great reputation it would be great to get a start with them. It would look great on a resume. So even if he starts off in an area that is a bit of a travel he is willing to do that to get a good start in the industry.
The other half of me is scared. If he gets the position then he needs to get a car to teach in. We do have a car but Brad's car doesn't fit the schools standards. Their cars need to be less than 5 years old, which Brad's is 10 years old. They also need to be white as they will then pay to get the signage of their school logo put on the car. It is also very scary to think that where as Brad's wage paid our mortgage every month, now it will be my wage paying the mortgage and Brad's wage which will be a bit unsteady for a while while he is establishing a client base will be what pays our bills and buys us food. Since I really do like eating (haha) I am really hoping he gets the client base up and running and it doesn't take too long. I don't mind things taking a while and struggling a little while things pick up, as long as they do pick up! Brad is so excited and enthusiastic about this new career. I haven't seen him enthusiastic about his job for a long time. I want it to work out. I would hate him to go through the disappointment of it not working out and having to go back to his old job. Prayers people, Prayers!!!! haha Brad is currently at the shopping centre buying a shirt for the interview. He works a manual labour job where he gets very dirty and messy, he is not used to getting dressed up and wearing a shirt and tie.
Just a few other bits and pieces to update you on before I go:
I have had a bit of a mystery virus the last few days which thankfully I am getting over now. It started like a flu. We had my work Christmas party (remember the one I told you about that was $100 a head and caused a lot of tension at work?) and I wasn't sure if I could go because I didn't feel the best, but I didn't want to miss out after paying so much money for both Brad and I to attend. If we hadn't have been able to go then we would have lost all that money - the restaurant were not prepared to refund any portion of it. So I powered through, got ready and we went. It was a seven course meal I'm not kidding! But each course was tiny and bite sized and fancy. By the time we got to course 4 it had taken a couple hours and I was really starting to feel sick. I felt like I had a fever and also it became hard to look at light. It felt like knives piercing my eyes, the pain in my eyes and head were so bad. So Brad thought it best to take me home and I happily agreed. For the next day I was so sick with raging fever, headache, coughing etc. I went to the doctor and he said it was a virus. Thankfully today I feel a whole lot better and only really have cold like symptoms now like a cough and runny nose.
Lastly some news about Nickie, his daycare called me into the directors office when I came to collect him the other day for a chat. The director said that she wanted to make a time for Brad and I to come in to discuss Nickie as she is concerned with his gross motor development. Nickie was very slow to roll over and he is almost 11 months now and still can't sit up and doesn't crawl yet. He is completely alert, happy, intelligent, responsive etc though but he's just not a big mover. He is just so content to lay on his tummy on the floor with some toys, it's like he doesn't feel the need to put in any extra effort to do anything else. I don't know how things work in the states but here in AUS when you have a baby you get assigned a health nurse and you bring your baby in to that nurse every few months for a check. You can also call the nurse if you have questions or concerns. It is not compulsary but 90% of people do it. My health nurse was an old lady who had acted like she had read everything she knew about children out of a book and there was only one answer for everything. For example, when Nickie was cutting his first tooth I called her and said "I think Nickie is getting a tooth and it seems to be very painful. I am giving him cold wash cloths to chew on and some paracetamol, can you suggest anything else I can do for him?" She looked at his file and informed me that Nickie was only 5 months so he wouldn't be getting a tooth yet as babies don't teeth till they are 6 months. I said to her I was pretty confident that he was getting a tooth but she practically hung up on me. The next day there was a little tooth in Nickie's mouth, so I was indeed correct that he was teething.
After that I wasn't too keen on going to her but I perservered and at one stage months ago I brought up my concerns that Nickie was not attempting to crawl and that no matter what I tried he didn't seem interested. Her answer to this was to say "well you need to make him". I didn't find this at all helpful so I called the health centre and asked to change nurses. My next appointment with Nickie, I go off to the new nurse hoping to get some better advice. well, I got a complete cow of a nurse. Sorry to say that but she spoke to me rudely and was very critical of my skills as a mother. It was like she had it in her head that the reason he was slow at moving is because I must not spend any time with him. Like I put him in a bouncer in front of the TV all day. That couldn't be further from the truth. Nickie has watched TV maybe 3 times in his life. We have an Elmo DVD wrapped up under the Xmas tree for him and it will be his first ever DVD. She said to me "don't you know you have to do activities with your child!!??" I got so offended I started to cry and walked out of the appointment. I felt like the biggest fool but I thought how dare you say that to me. After I got home I rang the health centre and complained and told them I wouldn't be back to any of their nurses and that I would take Nickie to my GP for his checks from now on.
Later that week I took Nickie to my GP who was lovely and said Nickie was just a happy, content boy who was taking his time. He said he could see no developmental problems with him, he was just very chilled out and in no rush to crawl. The doctor said sometimes kids are as old as 20 months when they begin to crawl, and then again there are kids as young as 8 or 9 months who are walking. He told me to relax and said Nickie would be fine, and he would catch up down the road. Now it's two months later and the day care centre has brought it up with me.
The day care centre manager is so lovely and she said to me once again, that Nickie by no means has anything "wrong with him", but that she just doesn't want him to struggle later on down the road. She said there are a number of goals with gross motor skills that children aged 1 are "supposed" to have achieved and so far Nickie has not achieved any of them. She said she thinks he might just need a little push in the right direction to get him motivated. With our permission they can get a special qualified person come in to work with Nickie at the day care centre on a one to one basis. It won't cost us any extra as it's all government funded. Brad and I are going to go to the meeting and talk with them about it further before we decide. It's very nice to know the option is there.
I must say it is really hard when someone tells you your child is not up to the standard of other children. As parents we want to believe (and often do believe) that our child is the best at everything. The brightest, the cutest etc. When someone says to you "actually your child is behind the others" it is a big blow to your confidence as a parent and it is hard to hear. When I was telling my mum about it I got a bit teary and told her I didn't want people to think I was a bad mother because my child can't crawl. Mum pointed out to me that Nickie doesn't crawl yet because he obviously hasn't found the need to. He is happy and content. When you are happy and content why would you feel the need to strive for anything more? I have just been trying to remember that. My son is happy.
Sorry for the long post guys, I'll sign off now. Have a great weekend.
On Friday the 11th of December (which is also Rhea's due date and no appearance from bubba yet!) Brad has a job interview with one of the big drive schools in Melbourne. I am praying that it goes well and he gets a position with their school. He says he will go to any area they want him in, because the school is so well known and has a great reputation it would be great to get a start with them. It would look great on a resume. So even if he starts off in an area that is a bit of a travel he is willing to do that to get a good start in the industry.
The other half of me is scared. If he gets the position then he needs to get a car to teach in. We do have a car but Brad's car doesn't fit the schools standards. Their cars need to be less than 5 years old, which Brad's is 10 years old. They also need to be white as they will then pay to get the signage of their school logo put on the car. It is also very scary to think that where as Brad's wage paid our mortgage every month, now it will be my wage paying the mortgage and Brad's wage which will be a bit unsteady for a while while he is establishing a client base will be what pays our bills and buys us food. Since I really do like eating (haha) I am really hoping he gets the client base up and running and it doesn't take too long. I don't mind things taking a while and struggling a little while things pick up, as long as they do pick up! Brad is so excited and enthusiastic about this new career. I haven't seen him enthusiastic about his job for a long time. I want it to work out. I would hate him to go through the disappointment of it not working out and having to go back to his old job. Prayers people, Prayers!!!! haha Brad is currently at the shopping centre buying a shirt for the interview. He works a manual labour job where he gets very dirty and messy, he is not used to getting dressed up and wearing a shirt and tie.
Just a few other bits and pieces to update you on before I go:
I have had a bit of a mystery virus the last few days which thankfully I am getting over now. It started like a flu. We had my work Christmas party (remember the one I told you about that was $100 a head and caused a lot of tension at work?) and I wasn't sure if I could go because I didn't feel the best, but I didn't want to miss out after paying so much money for both Brad and I to attend. If we hadn't have been able to go then we would have lost all that money - the restaurant were not prepared to refund any portion of it. So I powered through, got ready and we went. It was a seven course meal I'm not kidding! But each course was tiny and bite sized and fancy. By the time we got to course 4 it had taken a couple hours and I was really starting to feel sick. I felt like I had a fever and also it became hard to look at light. It felt like knives piercing my eyes, the pain in my eyes and head were so bad. So Brad thought it best to take me home and I happily agreed. For the next day I was so sick with raging fever, headache, coughing etc. I went to the doctor and he said it was a virus. Thankfully today I feel a whole lot better and only really have cold like symptoms now like a cough and runny nose.
Lastly some news about Nickie, his daycare called me into the directors office when I came to collect him the other day for a chat. The director said that she wanted to make a time for Brad and I to come in to discuss Nickie as she is concerned with his gross motor development. Nickie was very slow to roll over and he is almost 11 months now and still can't sit up and doesn't crawl yet. He is completely alert, happy, intelligent, responsive etc though but he's just not a big mover. He is just so content to lay on his tummy on the floor with some toys, it's like he doesn't feel the need to put in any extra effort to do anything else. I don't know how things work in the states but here in AUS when you have a baby you get assigned a health nurse and you bring your baby in to that nurse every few months for a check. You can also call the nurse if you have questions or concerns. It is not compulsary but 90% of people do it. My health nurse was an old lady who had acted like she had read everything she knew about children out of a book and there was only one answer for everything. For example, when Nickie was cutting his first tooth I called her and said "I think Nickie is getting a tooth and it seems to be very painful. I am giving him cold wash cloths to chew on and some paracetamol, can you suggest anything else I can do for him?" She looked at his file and informed me that Nickie was only 5 months so he wouldn't be getting a tooth yet as babies don't teeth till they are 6 months. I said to her I was pretty confident that he was getting a tooth but she practically hung up on me. The next day there was a little tooth in Nickie's mouth, so I was indeed correct that he was teething.
After that I wasn't too keen on going to her but I perservered and at one stage months ago I brought up my concerns that Nickie was not attempting to crawl and that no matter what I tried he didn't seem interested. Her answer to this was to say "well you need to make him". I didn't find this at all helpful so I called the health centre and asked to change nurses. My next appointment with Nickie, I go off to the new nurse hoping to get some better advice. well, I got a complete cow of a nurse. Sorry to say that but she spoke to me rudely and was very critical of my skills as a mother. It was like she had it in her head that the reason he was slow at moving is because I must not spend any time with him. Like I put him in a bouncer in front of the TV all day. That couldn't be further from the truth. Nickie has watched TV maybe 3 times in his life. We have an Elmo DVD wrapped up under the Xmas tree for him and it will be his first ever DVD. She said to me "don't you know you have to do activities with your child!!??" I got so offended I started to cry and walked out of the appointment. I felt like the biggest fool but I thought how dare you say that to me. After I got home I rang the health centre and complained and told them I wouldn't be back to any of their nurses and that I would take Nickie to my GP for his checks from now on.
Later that week I took Nickie to my GP who was lovely and said Nickie was just a happy, content boy who was taking his time. He said he could see no developmental problems with him, he was just very chilled out and in no rush to crawl. The doctor said sometimes kids are as old as 20 months when they begin to crawl, and then again there are kids as young as 8 or 9 months who are walking. He told me to relax and said Nickie would be fine, and he would catch up down the road. Now it's two months later and the day care centre has brought it up with me.
The day care centre manager is so lovely and she said to me once again, that Nickie by no means has anything "wrong with him", but that she just doesn't want him to struggle later on down the road. She said there are a number of goals with gross motor skills that children aged 1 are "supposed" to have achieved and so far Nickie has not achieved any of them. She said she thinks he might just need a little push in the right direction to get him motivated. With our permission they can get a special qualified person come in to work with Nickie at the day care centre on a one to one basis. It won't cost us any extra as it's all government funded. Brad and I are going to go to the meeting and talk with them about it further before we decide. It's very nice to know the option is there.
I must say it is really hard when someone tells you your child is not up to the standard of other children. As parents we want to believe (and often do believe) that our child is the best at everything. The brightest, the cutest etc. When someone says to you "actually your child is behind the others" it is a big blow to your confidence as a parent and it is hard to hear. When I was telling my mum about it I got a bit teary and told her I didn't want people to think I was a bad mother because my child can't crawl. Mum pointed out to me that Nickie doesn't crawl yet because he obviously hasn't found the need to. He is happy and content. When you are happy and content why would you feel the need to strive for anything more? I have just been trying to remember that. My son is happy.
Sorry for the long post guys, I'll sign off now. Have a great weekend.
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Finally some news about Cate
Just thought I would fill you all in because I have finally had a call from Cate. She decided to call me after all as she has had some unexpected news and she felt better about speaking to people. I think from the sounds of things she has been one stressed and mixed up young lady. Understandably so as she had a big scare.
Apparently the news she got from the doctor that prompted her to not want to talk to anyone was that the appearance of the cancerous tissue indicated that it was very old and the doctor was pretty certain it would have now spread to other areas of the body because it had apparently been there a long time. He did not give her a favourable outlook at all and she was preparing for the worst. In the last week and a half she has gone for numerous scans and blood work and today she was due to get all those results. She planned to fly to Melbourne over the weekend as she was anticipating having some big news to deal with.
She called me this morning and filled me in on all this because as it turned out she got her results this morning and they actually can't see any further cancer in the scans. Also her blood tests which I don't fully understand but which test for "tumor markers" came back at extremely low levels. All this points to very positive news and hopefully the cancer has not gone any further. They would like to do some more tests in the new year to be sure and also do another laparoscopy surgery too as the first one she had, the one that picked up this nasty tissue, was actually to look for endometriosis. Because they didn't go in looking for cancer that want to be sure they didn't miss any. The doctor said though that he is now optimistic and she can enjoy her Christmas and come back in Jan for these tests. Cate was so thrilled with this news she rang me and didn't see the need to wait till Sunday for a face to face talk.
Well I better sign off as I am supposed to be getting ready to go to Brad's parents house for a BBQ. Thanks everyone for your friendship and prayers.
Apparently the news she got from the doctor that prompted her to not want to talk to anyone was that the appearance of the cancerous tissue indicated that it was very old and the doctor was pretty certain it would have now spread to other areas of the body because it had apparently been there a long time. He did not give her a favourable outlook at all and she was preparing for the worst. In the last week and a half she has gone for numerous scans and blood work and today she was due to get all those results. She planned to fly to Melbourne over the weekend as she was anticipating having some big news to deal with.
She called me this morning and filled me in on all this because as it turned out she got her results this morning and they actually can't see any further cancer in the scans. Also her blood tests which I don't fully understand but which test for "tumor markers" came back at extremely low levels. All this points to very positive news and hopefully the cancer has not gone any further. They would like to do some more tests in the new year to be sure and also do another laparoscopy surgery too as the first one she had, the one that picked up this nasty tissue, was actually to look for endometriosis. Because they didn't go in looking for cancer that want to be sure they didn't miss any. The doctor said though that he is now optimistic and she can enjoy her Christmas and come back in Jan for these tests. Cate was so thrilled with this news she rang me and didn't see the need to wait till Sunday for a face to face talk.
Well I better sign off as I am supposed to be getting ready to go to Brad's parents house for a BBQ. Thanks everyone for your friendship and prayers.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Any day now...
Before I continue on with today's post I just want to update you all on Cate. I still don't know what's going on as I haven't spoken with Cate other than some text messages because she is still not in a frame of mind to speak with anyone. I received a text from her yesterday saying she is flying in to Melbourne for the weekend as she wants to be near her family at the moment. She has asked me to come see her on Sunday night so she can talk with me and fill me in on what's happening. I am very scared about what she is going to tell me and so because Sunday is such a long way away I am trying not to think about it. This is not because I don't care, it's because I care a lot and don't want to make myself sick with worry. My philosophy is that I may as well get through this week, hear Cate's news on Sunday and then deal with it then when I know what's going on. I wish someone: her boyfriend or her family would give me a call to let me in on what's happening instead of making me sit and wait and worry for a whole week but then when I say that aloud it sounds very selfish. So I have decided to just let it be and we will see what the future holds on Sunday. Please continue to pray for Cate.
Onto something nicer - as I said I am trying to get through the week with some sense of normality - Rhea is due on Dec 11 so she only has a short time left of her pregnancy. She saw her OB last Fri and he said "your next appointment is in a week's time but I have a feeling I'll see you again before then!" so we are thinking it could be any day that we welcome a little baby boy into our family. She is feeling pretty nervous about the labour, yet very excited. She can't wait to be a Mum. It will be really nice to be an aunty again. I do have a neice and nephew (my sister's kids) but because of the situation with my sister I don't get to see them much at all. I really do miss them a lot. I also have some inherited neices and nephews courtesy of Brad's other sister, Kaye. They live in another state though and I have only met both Kaye and her kids a handful of times. Brad and Kaye have never been close like he and Rhea are as there is an age gap of about 15 years between them. Brad's father was married to Kaye's mother and then she passed away from cancer. Quite a while after that Brad's father remarried and had Rhea and Brad with his new wife. So Brad and Rhea's mother is not Kaye's mother. Combined with the age gap there is all that "I'm only a half sister" kind of silly jealousy that happens sometimes in families. Kaye has always thought that Rhea and Brad were closer and excluded her etc. Brad has told me they probably did exclude her a bit when they were kids, but not in a horrible way like that. Only in the innocent way that kids of a certain age are going to automatically want to play with other kids closer to that age. When you are 2 you don't want to play with a 15 year old. Anyway they do get on now that everyone is an adult, but there is a bit of tension there and they will never be close buddies.
We are very anxious to hear the name of the new baby as we do know he is a boy, but Rhea and Paul have kept his name a secret. I think they actually have really enjoyed teasing me saying "haha we know something you don't know" because I am so impatient to know everything and even though I love surprises I don't do waiting very well! haha So as well as seeing my new nephew, I am dying to know what his name is going to be. He has some presents wrapped under our Christmas tree with no name on the tag because I am waiting to know what name to write! I also can't wait to see Nickie playing with his cousin in time to come. I hope they will get on and be great friends.
Lastly - some other exciting news: Brad has for the last 6 months been completing a course to become a driving instructor. I am very proud of him because he has worked very hard. This Saturday is his last class and his big exam and then if he passes he will finally be a qualified instructor. He has an interview lined up for next week with one of the major driving schools here in Melbourne. They are very interested in hiring him. I have everything crossed he will pass and that everything will go well and he will get that job. Because it is a complete career change for him it feels a bit nerve wracking too. I hope that when he becomes an instructor that he loves it and also that it pays the bills. I really want him to be happy but of course we need to eat and pay the mortgage too haha. So fingers crossed for all that is happening on that front too.
Have a good week everyone. Happy December!
Onto something nicer - as I said I am trying to get through the week with some sense of normality - Rhea is due on Dec 11 so she only has a short time left of her pregnancy. She saw her OB last Fri and he said "your next appointment is in a week's time but I have a feeling I'll see you again before then!" so we are thinking it could be any day that we welcome a little baby boy into our family. She is feeling pretty nervous about the labour, yet very excited. She can't wait to be a Mum. It will be really nice to be an aunty again. I do have a neice and nephew (my sister's kids) but because of the situation with my sister I don't get to see them much at all. I really do miss them a lot. I also have some inherited neices and nephews courtesy of Brad's other sister, Kaye. They live in another state though and I have only met both Kaye and her kids a handful of times. Brad and Kaye have never been close like he and Rhea are as there is an age gap of about 15 years between them. Brad's father was married to Kaye's mother and then she passed away from cancer. Quite a while after that Brad's father remarried and had Rhea and Brad with his new wife. So Brad and Rhea's mother is not Kaye's mother. Combined with the age gap there is all that "I'm only a half sister" kind of silly jealousy that happens sometimes in families. Kaye has always thought that Rhea and Brad were closer and excluded her etc. Brad has told me they probably did exclude her a bit when they were kids, but not in a horrible way like that. Only in the innocent way that kids of a certain age are going to automatically want to play with other kids closer to that age. When you are 2 you don't want to play with a 15 year old. Anyway they do get on now that everyone is an adult, but there is a bit of tension there and they will never be close buddies.
We are very anxious to hear the name of the new baby as we do know he is a boy, but Rhea and Paul have kept his name a secret. I think they actually have really enjoyed teasing me saying "haha we know something you don't know" because I am so impatient to know everything and even though I love surprises I don't do waiting very well! haha So as well as seeing my new nephew, I am dying to know what his name is going to be. He has some presents wrapped under our Christmas tree with no name on the tag because I am waiting to know what name to write! I also can't wait to see Nickie playing with his cousin in time to come. I hope they will get on and be great friends.
Lastly - some other exciting news: Brad has for the last 6 months been completing a course to become a driving instructor. I am very proud of him because he has worked very hard. This Saturday is his last class and his big exam and then if he passes he will finally be a qualified instructor. He has an interview lined up for next week with one of the major driving schools here in Melbourne. They are very interested in hiring him. I have everything crossed he will pass and that everything will go well and he will get that job. Because it is a complete career change for him it feels a bit nerve wracking too. I hope that when he becomes an instructor that he loves it and also that it pays the bills. I really want him to be happy but of course we need to eat and pay the mortgage too haha. So fingers crossed for all that is happening on that front too.
Have a good week everyone. Happy December!
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