20 years on...

A while back I posted about my school friends "P" and "L" who were tragically killed by their father over a custody dispute when I was a little girl. I thought I would mention this again because tomorrow will be 20 years to the day since they died. I have been thinking about them a lot the last few months and I feel there must be a reason for that, but am yet to discover what that reason could be.

About a month ago I woke at about 3am from a dream that was so very vivid I was more than a little creeped out, and I wasn't able to get back to sleep. I really feel that the kids came to me in this dream. I just have this feeling that it meant something. In the dream I was searching for their mother, "C". I wanted to tell her I still thought about her children and to check and make sure she was all right. I found her working in a store in the city under a false name and I invited her for dinner at my house. When she arrived for dinner she had two people with her - a man and a woman - and these people were the same age as me. I smiled and said pleased to meet you and they smiled back and told me we had already met. I was confused and asked "C" what these people meant by that. She said "these are my children". I was still confused. I explained to her that when "P" and "L" had died they were around my age. These grown up children looked to be around my age too and the age "P" and "L" would now be. I asked her how she could possibly have more children the same age as her first two would have been. She said to me "Paxton, this IS P and L. They never died. They never went away. They are safe and well and have never left me."

I was absolutely overjoyed and burst into tears. I hugged them ecstatically and asked them were they ok. They assured me they were very well and that they had never died and that I didn't need to worry anymore about it. They hugged their mother and I saw them all as a family together and that was when I woke up. I was really shaken by the dream and quite scared. But looking back I think it was a sign from them that they are really and truly ok because they are up in heaven with Jesus. I really hope that is what it was all about and I will cherish the fact that I did have that dream.

I do think about them and their mother all the time and I do wish I will see their mother again one day and be able to tell her that her children were special and that they really did make such an impression on me. I remember at school in the last week of their lives "L" doing a tap dance routine at the end of year show. "P" was so proud of her when she finished that he went up in front of the whole school and hugged his sister. I will never forget that. I'm sure their mother has her own memories of them too and I'm sure she realises her children were so special.

I also can't believe how fast 20 years went. It seems like only yesterday since it all happened. I really hope that in those 20 years their mother has been able to find peace. Maybe she is remarried to a lovely man with some more children. I hope so. My prayers are really with her this week wherever she is because I think this would be such a hard time. I read in the article I came across about them a few months ago that the day before they were killed their mother took them to get their picture taken with Santa, and now she has that photo on her wall. I am sure she looks at it all the time especially around this time of year and can't believe they are not here physically with her. I don't know how I could bear pain like that if I lost Nickie.

Please have these children and their mother in your prayers tomorrow.