A sad story

Something took place in my school life when I was about 6 (20 years ago) that I don't talk about with many people. Brad and I have discussed it briefly once or twice but that is about it. I warn that this is quite an upsetting story. A little boy who was in my class in Grade 1, who was my desk mate (we sat in double desks) was killed tragically. His sister was in the class below and she was killed in the same incident. A lot of my memory of this time is very hazy but I do remember parts of the day of the tragedy. Only parts though.



I remember it was a Sunday. It was hot and it was December. It was a school day the next day but it would be the start of the last week of school before we would break up for summer holiday. In Australia our big school holiday starts just before Christmas in December and we just have a short break in June, because our seasons are the reverse order from the States of course. My family had a pool and were lounging around outside in it to escape the heat. At one stage I believe my sister and I ventured out on our bikes to buy ice cream. Everyone in our street somewhere around the afternoon began to become aware that there was a lot of smoke becoming apparent in the air. Before long you could see and smell it strongly and we heard a house was on fire nearby.



Speculation was gathering about what street the house was in and we saw choppers in the sky which I assume now were possibly news or police choppers. I remember seeing the news report on TV saying that a house had been completely gutted in our suburb. It described how a man had run from the house and that a search of the rubble had revealed the bodies of the two children. It also mentioned that the identity of the children was not confirmed but that they were thought to be students of the school that my sister and I both attended. I don't remember that much else.



The next day we arrived at school with apprehension and all I remember is the whole school being called to assembly where we were informed that "P" (my deskmate) and his sister "L" were the two children who had died in the fire that had occurred the day before. I don't remember exactly what we were told but I know it was minimal details. I don't know when more pieces of the puzzle started to come to light, whether it was a gradual relisation as I got older or whether it was through information that I picked up from the adult conversations that no doubt must have taken place around me, but somewhere along the line I began to understand that it was not just a regular house fire. The incident was actually an attempt at a murder- suicide by the children's father because of an ongoing custody dispute that was happening with himself and the children's mother.



I have thought about those two children a lot over the last twenty years at different times. Whenever a simalar story comes up in the news about a murder-suicide I remember those kids. When it is that hot time of year just before Christmas I often think of them. Since having Nickie I have thought about them even more for some reason because I now realise how horrific the prospect of losing a child is. Whereas I used to have grief for the children now I also have it for their mother. For all these years I have never known what exactly took place or what the kids went through. I have always assumed that their deaths were the result of the deliberately lit fire, that the father had intentionally lit in order to cause the deaths of all three of them, although as I grew up I did realise that deep down this was probably not true, however I didn't really want to know the details and just found it easier to believe it was the fire. Yesterday, however I came across an article on the net completely by mistake.



I found an old classmate of mine on Facebook and chatting to her yesterday prompted me to randomly google my school name just to see what popped up. I never even thought of this tragedy when I did it as I purely just wanted to see if my school had a website so I could see if it has changed much in all that time. Well my school did have a website, but the link that came up on google as the second search result caught my eye when I saw "P" and "L" mentioned along with the name of my teacher at the time this all took place. Curiosity took over and without thinking I clicked and read the article. It was regarding the fact that this teacher, Mrs C. apparently felt very overwhelmed with how to get her class through this terrible time. Apparently there were not the resourses available for counselling and so forth and tragedies like this happened much less back in 1989. She had to just go with her gut and look after us as best she could and the experience has prompted her to recently write a book on how to help kids cope with grief. The article I found was an interview with her that a teaching journal had published. During the interview the comment was made that obviously the murders had affected her deeply for her to write this book all these years later (the book was published in 2004). She said that yes they had deeply traumatised her due to the gruesome nature of what took place.

She then proceeded to go through a run down of events of how the crime was planned and carried out. She explained that she and the mother of the kids became very close and are still friends to this day and that's how she came to know so much information about how awful it was. I am not going to go into detail about how the kids died because it is distressing. But this horrible knowledge is really weighing heavy on my heart. To think what that mother must have been through and must still be dealing with 20 years later. The whole thing was calculated and carried out to inflict the maximum pain upon the mother. The father must have really wanted her to feel pain and loss. I also think about the father too with a lot of pity rather than hate which is surprising. He intended to die along with the kids, and leave behind all that devastation. The fire was his attempt at suicide, the kids had passed before the fire was lit. But when the house got so hot he got scared and ran into the street in a panic and couldn't go through with it. This act of cowardice makes me see him as less of a monster and more as a human being who at their weakest point did the worst and most despicable thing ever. I don't know what happened to him. The article didn't mention it, other than to say he survived. I don't even know his name. I wonder if he is in jail. I know it sounds crazy but I wonder if he has come out the other side of the haze that made him go on this rampage and whether the reality of what he did haunts him. I wonder if he has fear about when he has to face God one day.

I don't know where the children's mother is now. I don't know if she still lives in the area or if she moved away, although the fact Mrs C is still in touch with her indicates she is still local to some extent. I wonder if she got remarried and had more kids? I wish there was some way for her to know that somewhere out there is a class mate of her little boy's that still remembers him a lot. There have been times after having Nickie when I have been up with him in the middle of the night feeding him and something has made me think of those kids and I have sat there and held my boy and prayed they were ok and not feeling suffering and that they were watching over their mother.

To the mother, "C" : I hope you are ok. I hope you know that people still remember your precious children from all those years ago and that they are still prayed for. I pray for your peace.

I am really sorry guys as I know this is an awful story. It is just something that is on my heart that I had to get out. Please note as well that I have referred to the people involved with initials as I think it is appropriate to keep the privacy of those involved in tact. I hope you will join me in saying a few prayers for these angels who continue to touch me all these years later and for their mother.