A beautiful and unexpected gift

Hi everyone. I have been so excited to read about all of your milestones. Kami is doing great with the twins and has given such a beautiful gift to Tammy in the form of donating her embryos. That touched my heart so much, you have to know. As I have been in the IVF game for a while now and have had my own frozen embryos or "snowbabies" as we like to call them, it really tugged at the heart strings how generous Kami is being in donating hers to a friend. I can only imagine how Tammy must be feeling right now: shocked and in awe and on cloud 9 all at the same time I'm sure. How amazing!

And I was so pleased to hear of Dianne's success with her egg retrieval surgery and I have every body part that is available for me to cross, tightly crossed right now for the embryo transfer. Hold on little babies!! You can do it!!! Good luck Dianne!

Well speaking of milestones and beautiful gifts, I got one myself yesterday. It was in the form of a positive home pregnancy test!!!! Woo hoo!!! I have been in shock and disbelief since taking the test and therefore haven't posted about it until now. I am quite reserved about it even now because I don't want to get my hopes up till my blood test next week, but things are definitely looking pretty "positive" so to speak! haha

I am such an addict when it comes to peeing on a stick. Last IVF cycle (Nickie's cycle) I was a very good girl and was not even tempted. I was very scared to get a negative and have all my hopes dashed that I put off getting my results as long as I could. I really never dreamed it would be a positive, to me negative was the only result I knew. But this cycle curiosity has gotten the better of me, mainly because I have been pregnant before and therefore I have been on "symptom watch" since the transfer as I know what to look out for. I have to say for the past few days I have felt pretty pregnant. I have felt crampy and heavy with a very aching chest and I have been saying to Brad "if I didn't know better I'd swear I was pregnant. I'd love to get a test and find out." and he has been telling me off for being impatient and telling me to wait for my blood test. Then Monday night I had a dream. One of the things I remember about pregnancy is having stupid vivid dreams which all the books say is due to hormones. In my dream both my sister and I were pregnant and we somehow ended up in the same hospital room having our babies. Hers came out perfect and mine came out with no hands. The nurse was trying to switch them on me saying that I deserved the "good baby" and I was screaming and crying and telling her I wanted my own baby because I loved it, missing hands and all! I woke up in a cold sweat and as stupid as it sounds that's what made me cave in and buy a test.

You would have laughed at Nickie and I at the supermarket checkout line. Here I was with a 5 month old baby in a stroller and a pregnancy test in my hand. The line was long and when I got to the end of it the girl on the checkout was kind of trying to be all secretive and discreet about my purchase. She meant well but it only drew more attention to us. It was pretty funny because a few people looked at us and I could tell what was going through their heads and I was laughing to myself thinking "if you all only knew the truth!" haha

I got home with my test and put Nickie in his baby swing where he played happily and ran off to the bathroom to see what awaited me. Within about 3 minutes up came that beautiful second pink line. I spent 10 min standing there just grinning at the test in shock. Then I put the test in the bathroom cupboard and went and fed Nickie, played a few games with him and then put him down for his afternoon nap. After Nickie went to sleep and I didn't have him to distract me anymore, the afternoon passed by in a blur of me trying to do housework in between going back to the bathroom to look at the test again in case the line had disappeared! Sure enough there it still was every time I looked.

Brad was in shock when he got home and I showed him the test, and bless him he didn't even tell me off for buying it! He then almost knocked me for six when he wanted to get back in his car and drive to the supermarket to get another test in another brand, just so we could make sure! Can you tell we have had a few disappointments during our time on this road? haha Anyway so Brad gets back with another test and that one comes up positive too!

So basically we are both in a state of limbo between being delirious with excitement and being sure it can't be happening to us. We are cautiously happy and will remain that way until the blood test results on Tuesday. I don't want to get ahead of ourselves and then be disappointed if it doesn't work out. Deep down I know it must be true as we have done two tests with the same results and there is nothing that could have interfered with the test as I had a frozen embryo transfer and am only on progesterone supplements to support a potential pregnancy as well as Progynova tablets which are estrogen. None of these medications can cause a false positive as they do not contain HCG. I have not had to have a HCG injection this cycle like I did in my stimulated cycle. But at the moment it feels like I am watching it happen to someone else in a movie or something. It won't seem real till I get my blood test so I don't want to write too much about how I'm feeling at this stage, until everything is for sure. But fingers crossed, Nickie might be a big brother soon!