The ghost line

This post kind of echoes my last one, regarding the wonderful invention that is a home pregnancy test. I really think they should put addiction warnings on the packages like they do for cigarettes. Every time I take a test I imagine Brad on Oprah telling her all about how his wife's addiction to "pee on a sticks" cost us our home and put us into debt haha. I have begun to fall back into the world of analysing every symptom and wondering if it could spell pregnancy. "That hamburger has given me heartburn! Could I be knocked up?!" it's ridiculous! But what's even more ridiculous is the way us desperate women start to believe our own fantasties. You might not have had sex in four years but when you pee on that stick somehow you believe that it COULD be a possibility that you might see that elusive pink line.

Today I did a pregnancy test even though it is only cycle day 24 - too early by just about every test's standards for a positive result. I stood there in my bathroom waiting for that line to show with one half of my brain, and the other half of my brain was laughing at me for wasting 12 dollars buying the test. I was about to throw the test in the bin when the light caught it in just the right way so that I caught the slightest hint of a shadowy second line. It has not the least hint of colour and is almost invisible unless the test is held at the correct angle. I can't make up my mind whether it could be a positive that is too early to show up properly or whether it is an indent line where the positive result would show if it was there. I have made up my mind to wait until Thursday to retest and to stop being an idiot overanalysing everything. I am a grown woman for goodness sake!

On a different note Brad, Nickie and I spent our first Easter together as a family and it was beautiful. Nickie woke up to an easter egg and a toy rabbit left for him by none other than the Easter bunny. It made my heart ache with happiness as having a child to spend the holidays with has been a dream of mine for so long now, and one I never thought would be fufilled. I thought of all the other women out there longing for a baby and thinking it will never happen to them. My Easter wish is that all our bodies could work properly and that we could all have our babies. Everybody that has a mother's heart should have that beautiful chance to carry and cuddle their child. I never thought I would be so blessed and thankfully I was wrong. If you are one of the many women out there who are in this boat, then you are in my thoughts this easter as you are each and every day. Happy easter everybody!