I was really hurt and upset last night and it is something that has been brewing awhile and I realise may have had something to do with the rough patch I went through regarding Brad's career change. I don't begrudge him for changing careers and I am proud of all he has achieved and the fact he wants to make a great life for himself and for us. But he has also been showing signs of selfishness. I don't know if this is because he is caught up in the preparation of getting his business started and doesn't realise his behaviour. The last few weeks I feel I have been bending over backwards for him, trying to help him. He has called me when I have been out somewhere with Nickie and said "oh my gosh I forgot to take some papers with me this morning. They are on the kitchen table. Can you go home and get them and bring them to me." and I have dropped all of our plans and gone and done it because it is important to him. And it has not just been once or twice that things like that has happened. Many times he has called me with a job he would like me to do and I have done it.
Then on Friday I was running late taking Nickie to daycare because as we were walking out the door Nickie vomitted on himself and on me because he had gulped down his milk too fast. I had to redress us both. As I walked out the door a second time I explained to Brad that as it was 7.25am I was going to be late for work but that I could not call and tell them right now because my manager is not there till 7.45am. I asked if he could wait till 7.45am and give her a call and inform her I was on my way but had been detained. He said "sure no problem". I get to work half an hour late to find my manager in quite a state. She was not mad at me but more worried that I was late. She thought I might have been in an accident as she knew if I was ever late I would call. I told her Brad was supposed to call her and she said he didn't. I called Brad to ask him what was going on expecting him to feel terrible that he had forgotten. When I spoke to him there was no "oh my god thts right I was, supposed to call wasn't I?" it turned out he had not forgotten at all, he just decided he had not enough time to stop for 30secs and call because he was so busy that morning. I was so angry and hurt and I let quite a bit of it out on to him. I said I had been running around putting my plans on hold for weeks doing things for him. Just that morning before I had gone and got his favourite watch fixed just off my own bat without him asking because I know he loves it. I told him I took offence to after all that him feeling he had not enough time to do one little thing for me. That incident has since blown over but has stuck in my mind.
Yesterday he comes home from work (he still has till the end of the week at the old job) with a new phone. I was totally ok with that because we both have crappy 7 year old prepaid phones and he really does need a reliable phone for work because he needs to carry it all the time and call students on it. I ask him what phone did he get, what features did it have? etc. He shows me that the shop had a deal where you pay $50 a month and you get $1000 worth of calls and TWO phones. Between the two of you (its designed for a couple to use it) the $1000 of calls is shared between the two accounts and calls between the two phones are free. My eyes lit up and I said "oh wow! So I have a groovy new phone too! Thanks so much honey, did you want the red or the white one?" and his face drops and he explains that the second phone is not for me, he wants to keep it in the cupboard in case he needs a spare. I was dumbfounded and really upset. I didn't yell or anything I just kind of went quiet and didn't say anything and then went off to bed. I shed a few tears in bed as I was just so amazed by his selfishness. Here I am with an old crappy phone which I have never in my life complained about. I hardly ever have spare money to buy credit for it and so here I am driving around with Nickie and no phone to call anyone on if the car breaks down etc. Yet I am not allowed to use his phone that he is paying for credit on anyway because he wants it to sit in the cupboard and not get used in case HE gets stuck. Am I being stupid to feel so upset about this?
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3 comments:
Oh, I'd be ticked if I were you. There is no way I'd let a phone sit in the cupboard like that, especially if you have no phone in the car with Nickie! Wow. I'm seriously dumbfounded by that.
I would suggest talking to him and explaining your feelings. He's not thinking of you and needs to do that.
I'm so sorry. I'm always here for you if you need me. You can e-mail anytime. (((HUGS)))
Oh so sorry, men can be clueless sometimes! I bet he is so caught up in what he needs to do for the new business he really hasn't stopped to think about how his actions are affecting you.
My advice would be to sit down with him and let him know what you still need from him. It sounds like you have been really understanding.
I agree with Dianne. You need to just sit down with him and in a loving and non-agressive way, explain how his actions the past few weeks have affected your feelings. Men truly can be selfish and clueless, often setting "double standards" without realizing it. My husband has always heard me out and has many times been surprised that he did have a double standard with many things. Now, all I have to do is say, "This feels like a double standard to me", and he will usually agree and change his behavior. There will be times though, that I see my own faults too. It's not always him.
Good communication is the key - don't let things build to a boiling point before you express them or you'll both end up defensive and explosive!
Sorry you are and hubs are going through a rough patch. Praying you are able to talk and share - working it all out!
Hugs!
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