My Christmas Wish

We are approaching that special time of year again and it always seems to make me feel reflective, both about the time gone by and about life in general. Then I read Dianne's beautiful post tonight and it made me want to say something. I'll try and get it out in understandable form!

There's a John Mayer song called "The Heart of Life" which I think I have quoted before at some stage, but I'm mentioning it again because it is a song that really speaks to me. I listened to it so much while TTC Nickie. The song goes "pain throws your heart to the ground, love turns the whole thing around, No it won't all go the way it should, but I know the heart of life is good."

I really believe that. Life is damn hard sometimes and it can bring you to your knees. But deep down, under the surface, life really is good. It's not always easy to see what's good. Sometimes you will have to squint to see what's good. But there is always something, I promise.

When Nickie smiles I see how great life is. There is nothing better than seeing your child happy. The happiness of babies is so pure and innocent and unclouded by the superficial wants that us grown ups have. We all want something more than what we have and we are never fully satisfied. I am the first one to admit that I can get so caught up in what I don't have, that I lose sight of what I do have and how lucky I am. We all want a faster car, a bigger house, a better job, or in my case a second baby. Babies don't have these wants. They are so thrilled with everything about the world and so happy. I know in my heart that inevitably as he grows up he will lose this to an extent. It makes me sad to know that one day his heart will ache for something that feels out of reach. I want him to keep his innocent happiness for as long as he can.

Every Christmas for the last few years Brad and I have decorated our tree, then placed the star right at the top while we both held on to it and made a wish that one day we would have a baby. Last Christmas, I was pregnant. We decorated our tree and then when we picked up the star we both burst into tears and realised we didn't need to wish anymore as it was already coming true. Now another Christmas is rolling around again and our baby is here and I am so happy I can't believe it. Thinking back to how it was on the other side of the tunnel makes me feel happy for how far we have come and all we have gained this year, rather than what we lost.

This year my Christmas wish when Brad and I pick up the star is for all of you lovely ladies out there in blog land who I have had the pleasure of meeting since coming here, who are yet to have their miracle. I just want you all to have your babies. Please know that on Decmber first when we decorate our tree, we will be making that wish for you. Christmas is a special time and it is only fair to use it to honour special people.